Holiday Happiness

The holiday season is in full swing. As I sit on my couch my time hop flashes an image from four years ago with my son smiling in front of the Christmas tree. The hashtag reads,”fake it till you make it.”   My mind reverts back to that first Christmas after Adam died. Everything felt like a Herculean effort and the pain was unbearable. I dragged the fake tree out that year and somehow found the strength to put it together.  My six-year old son decorated the entire tree himself that year and beamed with pride while I silently cried. In that time between then and now, I did a lot of faking it. 
 Currently in my living room there is a near-ten-foot, real, Christmas tree that my that my two sons were set on bringing home. We spent the Friday after Thanksgiving decorating it together.  We have a box of ornaments that we call “the specials.” Each ornament marks a place we have been together or a memory that was made. As we unpacked the “specials” this year, there was laughter and stories and a true sense of our redefined family. The overwhelming happiness in our home was palpable. For someone who knows what it is like to fake it ……it brings tears to my eyes to sit here and say, “We made it.”

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