As I walked, I could feel my clothes swivel around my waist. The pounds had been melting off for weeks now. It my body’s reaction to stress. I am tired. Divorce and loss made me recognize the value of “divide and conquer.” I can’t speak for all divorces; only my own. The contentious relationship and abrasive interactions that continue to occur, despite the years that have gone by, cause me to navigate parenting alone. There is no sharing of decisions or sounding board for ideas. It is me. I have learned to juggle. I actually do it quite well.
Do not get me wrong, I love every part of being a mom. And yes I will openly admit….some of the stresses…..I bring about myself. I am a perfectionist that doesn’t know how to do anything with less than 100 percent effort. There is no such thing as first gear in my world and most definitely not idle. So as a woman trying to balance my full-time career in education with being a single mom while operating at full throttle…… the juggle is pretty insane on a normal day. Now let’s add in a global pandemic that has turned my career field upside down, keeping up with schooling for my own two children (one in a hybrid-model) and managing Goodgrief app…… it makes sense I am taxed. (This is why it is now 9pm at night and I am just now writing this week’s blog—my apologies for the late post.)
These days, I find myself missing that divide and conquer and tired of the juggle. I dream about how nice it would be to come home to a warm meal ready for me or the house cleaned or the laundry pile neatly folded or even groceries picked up from the store. Most of all, I miss having someone ask about my day and listen because in that moment the stress seemed a little bit less. I don’t see that on the horizon anytime soon. So for now, I will keep juggling and hope I don’t drop the ball.