Coffee at Sunrise

~Kim Libertini

The sun is just rising above the roofline of my neighbor’s home.  I am sitting on my front porch drinking a cup of coffee and listening.  There is a stillness paired with a sense of quiet and yet, the feeling is anything but calm.  Disconnection triggers fear, anxiety and feels unsettling. The loss of ability to connect when the  desire exists only underscores the senses of isolation and loneliness. I have been here before. Grief sent me down a road of isolation and loneliness. I remember then, it felt as if the world was in a snow globe and I was on the outside watching but incapable of participating.  That thick globe of glass separated me from the warmth and love and connections I longed for. I am incapable of forgetting that pain. I believe back then, I found solace in my ability to maintain routines. Instinctually, humans struggle for control and fight to maintain order amidst chaos. For some that control is found in activities like cleaning, organizing or shopping.  That feeling of preparedness can ease both fears and anxiety. Grief has prepared me. I know that eventually the isolation restraints will lift and human connection will be waiting. For now, I will stick to my routine of watching the sun rise each day, sitting on my front porch, drinking a cup of coffee and listening.  

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