My mother is dead. She’s been gone for almost three years now, and yet, I still speak to her. Aloud. My lone voice greets the air with a “Hey, mom,” when her presence feels particularly strong. Or an “I love you,” after her memory springs vivid. Her spirit lives in and around me and so … Continue reading I Talk Aloud to My Dead Mom.
I live in a part of the South where summer break ends as August begins. So last week my kids returned to the classroom and then returned home with a cold. I have it too. It’s not the lay in bed all day kind of cold. More the stuffy head and dripping nose kind. Yesterday, … Continue reading Welcoming Care
This is a grief blog. The pages intended for sharing the hard journey of stitching oneself together anew after things fall apart. However, grief feels distant this morning. My little family (read: the boys and me) is on a summer vacation. We’re staying with friends in a house perched on a bay filled with boats. … Continue reading The Pause
At least once a day a friend, colleague, or stranger asks, “How are you?” My normal response is “fine,” or “good,” or any other terse platitude that fills conversation. Today, because I’m feeling raw and brutally honest, I would say “I’m recovering.” Recovering from my last chapter in life and recovering the next one. The … Continue reading Recovering
There’s a surreal moment that happens again and again when grieving. It occurs after sleep. Falling asleep is hard enough, and yet waking up feels harder still. That’s when reality comes back into focus. The reality of a life you don’t want. The reality that you’re in free fall. The daunting task of making it … Continue reading Waking Up To Grief
Dear children, You are exhausting and relentless and I’m eternally grateful for this. Every morning, at least one of you thumps down the hall into my bedroom. You climb in quietly beside me before twisting like a pretzel on spit, your elbows and knees prodding me erratically. Or, you stand next to the bed and … Continue reading A Letter To My Exhausting Children
On our walk to school this morning, my boys and I crossed paths with a woman smelling of sweet mint. The scent launched me down memory lane. It zoomed past my forties with their dismantling of family and arrival at the unknown. Past the thirties collaged with growing a career and growing babies. It flew … Continue reading Chew On This Memory, Mom