Being Ok Through Grief

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

~Kim Libertini

When someone we know suffers loss, it is common to ask the question, “How are you doing?” No matter where I was down the grief path, my response was always the same, but the meaning behind the response changed over time.

Time Period       What I said

Acute stage of grief     “I’m ok.”   In my head I thought....
Please don’t talk to me. If you say  another word, I will fall apart into a million pieces. I can’t do this.

A month out       “I’m ok.” In my head I thought....
I haven’t slept in weeks.  I can’t bear the thought of solid foods in my stomach. I cry all the way to work and then again all the way home. Each day I crawl into my bed as soon as I get home and lay in darkness in disbelief that this is my life.


6 months out     "I’m ok.” In my head I thought....
Where did everyone go? My network of friends all left, and I feel entirely alone. I am managing to cry less daily but these waves of grief, continue to pull me back into the
darkness.

1 year     “I’m ok.” In my head I thought....
One year of anniversaries and milestones without my love has  been the most excruciating experience I have ever had to endure. I carry guilt every time I laugh. But I do smile and laugh more. I’m surviving, but I am far from whole.

2 years   “I’m ok.” In my head I thought...
I sleep and eat regularly now and even manage to exercise. The endorphins are helping me. My life is slowing getting put back together. I have this network of new friends that have stood by me since loss.

3 years    “I am OKAY!” In my head I thought...
Do you see it? I am a different person than I was back then. I am finding happiness. Saying his name doesn’t kick my legs out from underneath me, but recall of warm memories continue to emote tears of love. I painfully miss him daily but I am less angry that this has been my path and more proud that I am moving forward. I finally see a future for me  
       
You are not alone as you say you are "ok."                                                                                                                                                                                                
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  









 



                                                                      


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