Mom Lives in Me

I thought my Mom would hang around me after she died. I thought she would appear thick and tangible like a warm fog. I thought she would exist invisible yet present herself through messages and signs. But so many aspects of my mother’s passing are different than imagined, including how she shows up. 

Mostly she exists inside of me. That’s where I feel her acutely. She has become my phantom limb, an internal wallpaper, and a life-force entwined and undifferentiated from my own. The feeling is as nice as it is surprising. Nice because she lives in, and through, me. Surprising because I though I’d have to look up and out to find her.

Where do you feel the people you’ve loved and lost?

With love, Robynne