I thought my Mom would hang around me after she died. I thought she would appear thick and tangible like a warm fog. I thought she would exist invisible yet present herself through messages and signs. But so many aspects of my mother’s passing are different than imagined, including how she shows up. Mostly she … Continue reading Mom Lives in Me
I’m a word nerd. I love the sound of words and how the varying combinations of consonants and vowels have unique and specific meaning. But sometimes English fails me. I’m left scrounging for a concept or word that doesn’t exist. For example, there’s no word to describe sunlight sparkling on the ocean. There’s no word … Continue reading Mother and Father-Out-Law
In the days, weeks, and months after my mother passed away, I wore her clothes constantly. Usually, it was an oversize brown cardigan with large plastic buttons and even larger button holes. The shoulders are broad and the bottom hem has stretched so that it hangs longer in the front than back. From an outsider’s … Continue reading Daughter in Mom’s Clothing
Here’s an unofficial entry for the urban dictionary: BLURSE Definition: Existing as a blessing and curse simultaneously, which could just be another way to describe the human experience. Sentence 1: Grief is a blurse. It helps us appreciate life’s smallest moments because we’ve had large losses. Sentence 2: The blurse of getting older is not … Continue reading Blurse
“There is a crack, a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.” So go the powerful lyrics from Leonard Cohen’s, “Anthem.” His words are moving. The message, elegant and hopeful. The song helps give purpose to our brokenness and meaning to our pain and scars. However, I believe the opposite is also true … Continue reading Shine On
~Kim Libertini Loss triggers the rollout of a thick fog of guilt. That fog sits heavily impairing visibility. Depending on the type of loss and the nature of the relationship, guilt varies. I know this because I grappled with guilt with each successive loss. When I lost my father, I was forced to examine … Continue reading Grappling Guilt and Finding Forgiveness
~Kim Libertini That day, I was at work. The details of that moment I won’t ever forget. I had just finished teaching a class. The main office had paged me. When I arrived, my then husband was standing there. In the midst of the daily school scurry he delivered the news that my father had … Continue reading Your Loss, Your Way
~Kim Libertini Our life is measured in time from the moment time note’s our birth arrival. I’ve been unfair to time with my expectations of how it should behave constantly oscillating between extremes. Speed up through the work week. Slow down through the weekend. Stop during a moment so I can breathe it in for … Continue reading Keeping Time
~Kim Libertini I have experienced it enough to know when it’s about to happen. Yet despite the recognizable symptoms, I still can’t stop the inevitable. First there is the burning in my nose, followed by the welling of tears in my eyes and then the slow escape and steady roll of those tears from my … Continue reading Pangs of Grief
Let’s talk about love. Love, sweet love. Because how can we talk about grief without naming what came first? Love is what got us into this whole mess. It will help lead us out. Love is the cause and the cure, and the warm-beating heart of our humanity no matter what form it takes. There’s … Continue reading The Heart Yearns for Love
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