Photo credit: John Reign Abarintos Unsplash.com
Loss left me with a bottomless chasm in my chest. Do you have it too? It begins at the base of my throat and circles down to my ribs. Sometimes it feels like heartburn, an irritation from swallowing a ghastly morsel of life. Other times it more closely resembles a window where the world blows through. Mostly though it’s just a dull ache; proof there’s a puncture at my epicenter.
The void, that’s what I call it, because, it can’t be filled or shored up. Trust me, I’ve tried. But not busyness, friends, flirtations, counseling, books, or hundreds of downward dogs have shrunk its size or impact. The hole remains. And anyway, I’m so very tired of trying to change my shape to be something it is not.
So here’s the new tactic: acceptance. I imagine the void like a new organ, something foreign yet essential to incorporate into the body. And I’ll study it. Explore its sharp edges and emptiness. Perhaps in this way, this new body part that is more empty space than anything else, can be welcomed. In other words, the only solution is there isn’t one. There’s nothing to fix. I am now a body and a void. So be it.
Robynne Boyd is the Co-Founder of Goodgrief App, the social network for loss. It is now available for less than the cost of a latte in the iOS App Store, Google Play and www.goodgriefapp.com. You can follow Goodgrief App on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.