Calling Heaven

I called my dead mother the other day.  It was her birthday and I needed to talk, even though hearing her voice was impossible.  A robotic message explained that, “the call couldn’t be completed as dialed.” Not surprising since her phone line went dead shortly after her passing. But that hasn’t diminished my urge to … Continue reading Calling Heaven

Recovering

At least once a day a friend, colleague, or stranger asks, “How are you?” My normal response is “fine,” or “good,” or any other terse platitude that fills conversation. Today, because I’m feeling raw and brutally honest, I would say “I’m recovering.” Recovering from my last chapter in life and recovering the next one. The … Continue reading Recovering

Mother and Father-Out-Law

I’m a word nerd. I love the sound of words and how the varying combinations of consonants and vowels have unique and specific meaning. But sometimes English fails me. I’m left scrounging for a concept or word that doesn’t exist. For example, there’s no word to describe sunlight sparkling on the ocean. There’s no word … Continue reading Mother and Father-Out-Law

The Yearly Word

  ~Kim Libertini My divorce battle was taking its toll.  I found myself reeling in the process. One morning, a news story centered on a book titled Just One Word ,by Mike Ashcroft and Rachel Olsen,  explained this concept of avoiding new year resolutions which can be easily be broken and then prevent growth. “Choose a … Continue reading The Yearly Word

The Lookback

~Kim Libertini~ It was a casual acknowledgement but one that triggered an epic realization. The woman who said it was only an acquaintance. Walking in a hall, she headed toward me and stopped.  “You look good,” she said. “I don’t know what is different about you, but you really look good.” There it was.  An … Continue reading The Lookback

Grappling Guilt and Finding Forgiveness

~Kim Libertini Loss triggers the rollout of a thick fog of guilt. That fog sits heavily impairing visibility.  Depending on the type of loss and the nature of the relationship, guilt varies. I know this because I grappled with guilt with each successive loss.   When I lost my father, I was forced to examine … Continue reading Grappling Guilt and Finding Forgiveness

Your Loss, Your Way

~Kim Libertini That day, I was at work.  The details of that moment I won’t ever forget.  I had just finished teaching a class. The main office had paged me.  When I arrived, my then husband was standing there. In the midst of the daily school scurry he delivered the news that my father had … Continue reading Your Loss, Your Way

Keeping Time

~Kim Libertini Our life is measured in time from the moment time note’s our birth arrival. I’ve been unfair to time with my expectations of how it should behave constantly oscillating between extremes. Speed up through the work week. Slow down through the weekend. Stop during a moment so I can breathe it in for … Continue reading Keeping Time

Pangs of Grief

~Kim Libertini I have experienced it enough to know when it’s about to happen.  Yet despite the recognizable symptoms, I still can’t stop the inevitable.  First there is the burning in my nose, followed by the welling of tears in my eyes and then the slow escape and steady roll of those tears from my … Continue reading Pangs of Grief

It’s 2a.m.

~Kim Libertini It's 2a.m. My mind racing, I stare at the bedroom ceiling. I make lists. I’m running through options and all possible scenarios, having an argument inside my head. I haven’t slept much with this weighing on me. This is how it works. Unfortunately, this comes with bearing the title sole survivor. When faced … Continue reading It’s 2a.m.