~Kim Libertini The holidays roll in and I can feel the density of the air increase. My body desperately wants to recoil. It’s an odd year. In the language of divorce this is how I monitor my level of holiday disengagement. On odd years my ex has the kids. No kids means less holiday hoopla. … Continue reading I Am Proof
~Kim Libertini I felt like it needed a name. For years I have called it “The Abyss.” Appropriately, the abyss is defined as a bottomless pit. In times when my heart has been shattered and my mind and body are overwhelmed with pain I find myself there. It’s the place I go to when the … Continue reading The Abyss and Back
I called my dead mother the other day. It was her birthday and I needed to talk, even though hearing her voice was impossible. A robotic message explained that, “the call couldn’t be completed as dialed.” Not surprising since her phone line went dead shortly after her passing. But that hasn’t diminished my urge to … Continue reading Calling Heaven
Dear children, You are exhausting and relentless and I’m eternally grateful for this. Every morning, at least one of you thumps down the hall into my bedroom. You climb in quietly beside me before twisting like a pretzel on spit, your elbows and knees prodding me erratically. Or, you stand next to the bed and … Continue reading A Letter To My Exhausting Children
In the days, weeks, and months after my mother passed away, I wore her clothes constantly. Usually, it was an oversize brown cardigan with large plastic buttons and even larger button holes. The shoulders are broad and the bottom hem has stretched so that it hangs longer in the front than back. From an outsider’s … Continue reading Daughter in Mom’s Clothing
When the world is spinning too fast and I can’t seem to catch my breath, I come here. It is my place. I’ve found sanity, solace and sensibility here. I have bawled, released shrieks of excitement, cries of pain and grappled with life’s unfairness here. This is the place where I let it all go. … Continue reading My Place
~Kim Libertini My divorce battle was taking its toll. I found myself reeling in the process. One morning, a news story centered on a book titled Just One Word ,by Mike Ashcroft and Rachel Olsen, explained this concept of avoiding new year resolutions which can be easily be broken and then prevent growth. “Choose a … Continue reading The Yearly Word
The holidays are upon us and let’s be honest they are HARD. Songs jingle about the happiest time of year, commercials display large jolly families around the dinner table, and yet, you may not be feeling so happy. It can be hard to find yourself in these Norman Rockwell moments when you’re grappling with grief. … Continue reading The Hard Holidays Are Nigh
~Kim Libertini~ My ears are filled with voices of complaints about everything from preparing food and cleaning to shopping, travel and the guest list. I retract until the sounds of the holiday conversations are muffled. I think to myself, “Just breathe.” Withdrawn and non-participatory, I’m hopeful the conversation will shift from the holiday buzz to … Continue reading Holiday Onset
It was a Wednesday. I’d gone for lunch. Mom’s breathing was different when I returned. Quick shallow gasps had grown long and deep. It was happening. The moment I’d anticipated for 18 months. The moment I hoped would never arrive. The moment I couldn’t bear to miss. “Come now,” I texted my sister. “Mom’s dying.” … Continue reading The Golden Hour
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