Golden Scars

The gloom had been brewing since the veterinarian called earlier in the day, but it descended with the sunset. That morning, I had dropped my cat Boots off at the animal clinic after a particularly bad fight with the neighborhood Tomcat. "Boots has fleas," said the vet over the phone, pausing as her words found … Continue reading Golden Scars

Gains

As I attempted to crawl out from the rubble, I remember looking for support. I looked for the faces of those that I expected would be there. Only to find that I had lost many along the way.  Years later, I understand why and how this happens. Back then, these added losses compounded my grief … Continue reading Gains

Mother’s Day Permission Slip

Oh boy, Mother’s Day is approaching. This holiday can be a doozy. While it allows some people to bask in the warm glow of love, family and lineage, for many others, especially those who have lost a mother, child or spouse, the day feels hard and painful. That's why it’s time to rewrite Mother’s Day. … Continue reading Mother’s Day Permission Slip

Love Leaves A Mark

My mom was a blonde, standing about 5 foot 5 inches tall with steel blue eyes. Being adopted she and I share no physical traits whatsoever.  She’s been gone over 7 years now. The longer she’s gone, the more I see how much, despite the lack of genetics, she influenced the woman and mother I … Continue reading Love Leaves A Mark

It Gets Better

I was standing outside of the local coffee shop on a warm summer’s day when my cell phone rang. A familiar voice traveled the radio waves from Colorado to Georgia, “I think it’s time for you to come back here,” said Beth, my mom’s hospice nurse. My plan that morning had been to work. Order … Continue reading It Gets Better

Digesting Words After Grief

Grief changed me.  Not just in the obvious ways.  Suddenly I own a keen awareness of the power of words, an understanding that a smile doesn’t always reflect happiness and a heightened sensitivity toward others.  It’s unfortunate that people miss the way their words can be interpreted. For the most part, I don’t think the … Continue reading Digesting Words After Grief

Treasures Left Behind

There is a special dish in my china cabinet that my children know I use when we have company. As I take it from the cabinet shelf and carry it to the kitchen, I can hear my mom’s voice.  I think about her while I’m filling the plate with food and her face becomes a … Continue reading Treasures Left Behind

Grit, Grief and Me

Photo credit: Unsplash.com Along the shores of the South China Sea, where I was conceived by an American GI and a Vietnamese woman, Grit and I would meet for our first time. After being luckily removed in the last hours from Operation Babylift's first flight out of Saigon, which ultimately crashed in a rice paddy and perished … Continue reading Grit, Grief and Me

Friends

A while back, Asher, my oldest son who is six years old, asked "Are angels real?" It was a fastball without warning. "I've never seen one," came my unpracticed response that attempted to be honest without limiting or prescribing reality. But, it bothered me. I'd bunted -- whacking the question far enough away to be … Continue reading Friends

The Turning Point

Photo credit: John Gibbons Unsplash.com Grief encapsulated me. Like a translucent membrane grief separated me and the outside world.It blurred my perspective, muffled everyday chatter and stole my ability to focus. My life was like an old movie reel.  Each frame played without sound as if I was a spectator and not an active participant.I … Continue reading The Turning Point