There was a time when the hardest question was “how are you?” It was the Trojan horse of greetings. People welcomed it into daily conversation where it laid bare my defenseless heart. The worst part is there’s no great answer when you’re not doing so great. Is it better to lie, or cry and make … Continue reading

Keeping Time

~Kim Libertini Our life is measured in time from the moment time note’s our birth arrival. I’ve been unfair to time with my expectations of how it should behave constantly oscillating between extremes. Speed up through the work week. Slow down through the weekend. Stop during a moment so I can breathe it in for … Continue reading Keeping Time

Most nights of the week, I tuck my kids into bed, fall asleep for a few minutes next to at least one of them, and then awake to a quiet home. A medley of feelings follows the silence…sweetness, relief and the blues. Sweetness because these boys are my heart. I want to breathe them in … Continue reading

Tree and Me

“Are you crying?” asked Ollie, my four-year-old. “Yes, my sweet boy,” I whispered attempting to control my voice. We had been hiking uphill for about 30 minutes and were approaching our destination: one large ponderosa pine growing just off the trail. A deep feeling of missing surfaced the closer we got. For two decades now, … Continue reading Tree and Me

House or Home?

~Kim Libertini “It’s just a house.” These delivered words, seemed so flippant. When I look back to all the places I have lived, there are a number of dwellings that served the sole purpose of providing me a place to rest my head at night. Those were just a house. As I moved through life, … Continue reading House or Home?

It’s 2a.m.

~Kim Libertini It's 2a.m. My mind racing, I stare at the bedroom ceiling. I make lists. I’m running through options and all possible scenarios, having an argument inside my head. I haven’t slept much with this weighing on me. This is how it works. Unfortunately, this comes with bearing the title sole survivor. When faced … Continue reading It’s 2a.m.

Reflection of Failure

~Kim Libertini I remember looking into the mirror and feeling complete and utter failure.  As a child, growing up in a divorced household, I swore I would not do what my parents did to me.  And there it was, this reflection of a woman that had just filed for divorce. I knew my choice would … Continue reading Reflection of Failure

Gains

As I attempted to crawl out from the rubble, I remember looking for support. I looked for the faces of those that I expected would be there. Only to find that I had lost many along the way.  Years later, I understand why and how this happens. Back then, these added losses compounded my grief … Continue reading Gains

Love Leaves A Mark

My mom was a blonde, standing about 5 foot 5 inches tall with steel blue eyes. Being adopted she and I share no physical traits whatsoever.  She’s been gone over 7 years now. The longer she’s gone, the more I see how much, despite the lack of genetics, she influenced the woman and mother I … Continue reading Love Leaves A Mark

Digesting Words After Grief

Grief changed me.  Not just in the obvious ways.  Suddenly I own a keen awareness of the power of words, an understanding that a smile doesn’t always reflect happiness and a heightened sensitivity toward others.  It’s unfortunate that people miss the way their words can be interpreted. For the most part, I don’t think the … Continue reading Digesting Words After Grief